‘what Do You Value More – Kindness Or Intelligence?’ A Trans Couple’s Hunt For The Perfect Sperm Donor – One Stranger At A Time

For nan London-based writer, performer and comedian Krishna Istha, a imaginative attack to uncovering a sperm philanthropist came people – and resulted successful a heartwarming and evocative show. First Trimester, which has been performed astir nan world and is adjacent heading to nan Melbourne fringe show successful October, sees imaginable sperm donors use to beryllium interviewed unrecorded connected shape by Istha, a trans creator who is hunting for a philanthropist to commencement a family pinch their partner, who is besides trans.

During a 10-minute interview, Istha connects pinch each personification arsenic an individual, alternatively than nan objective accusation sperm banks usually supply astir donors. Discussions scope from nan philosophical: “What do you worth much – kindness aliases intelligence?” to taste lore: “Have you watched The Princess Diaries?”

Istha performs First Trimester successful Dublin, Ireland: ‘When we did nan show successful Dublin, it didn’t matter what nan mobility was – it ever led backmost to their grandma, which I thought was really sweet.’ Photograph: Szymon Lazewski

On their very first day 7 years ago, Istha told their partner, Logan Rea, that they wanted to person children. The mates started looking into philanthropist sperm decently 4 years ago, successful nan UK, Australia and Aotearoa (New Zealand) wherever Rea was born. It’s worthy noting that nan number of sperm donors is comparatively small, which besides intends it’s predominantly white.

“We were looking done sperm banks and we didn’t really link pinch group from nan accusation we were given,” Istha says. “In nan UK each sperm slope had oculus colour, height, PhD aliases nary PhD. I was like, I don’t cognize really to prime personification from this information. I thought we could speak to tons of group and find whoever this perfect personification is.”

Noticing what was missing successful their hunt led to nan creation of First Trimester, which has been staged successful London, Copenhagen, Dublin, Switzerland and Auckland truthful far. (There’s moreover a Netflix documentary, Sperm Donors Wanted!, directed by Rea.) As nan show has moved astir nan world, Istha has observed chopped values held by nan prospective donors successful each country.

“When we did nan show successful Dublin, it didn’t matter what nan mobility was – it ever led backmost to their grandma, which I thought was really sweet,” they say. “In Switzerland, location was a existent accent connected group raising kids successful co-ops, which I was very amazed by. It’s absorbing to activity retired what people’s scenery of family making and ideas of family are.”

When we speak connected Zoom – Istha successful London and maine successful location Victoria – I’ve conscionable apologetically exited nan mayhem of post-Taco Tuesday cleanup pinch my woman and our ain donor-conceived children. Having a known philanthropist was important to us; we understand family to beryllium some logical and biological, arsenic it is for galore members of nan LGBTIQA+ community.

When my wife, our philanthropist and I met up successful a cafe each those years ago, we asked him what would hap if he abruptly felt a desire to beryllium an progressive genitor erstwhile a kid was born. His honorable response, that he genuinely didn’t know, confirmed he was nan correct personification for us. We didn’t cognize until talking it done arsenic a trio that humility was 1 of nan qualities we were looking for.

For some Istha and Rea, it feels basal to cognize nan personification who would beryllium portion of their lives – either now aliases erstwhile their kid turns 18. And a face-to-face speech will hopefully guarantee their philanthropist is not “a horrible personification who is simply a transphobe aliases a queerphobe”.

So First Trimester is simply a genuine hunt for a philanthropist – but for nan audience, it is besides an eye-opening show astir trans reproductive healthcare that puts conversations often held down closed doors connected stage. Istha explores nan intersections of fertility and quality relationship pinch warmth and charisma, welcoming group to research nan myriad layers of this surviving artwork together.

Istha and Rea are looking for a philanthropist who is ‘kind and fun, who would adhd to nan child’s life successful immoderate way’. Photograph: Jordon Rossi and Emily Drake

For Istha and Rea, their first conversations astir seeking their philanthropist done theatre were much whimsical wondering than actual plan. Rea was initially worried astir their privacy. “[He] decidedly said nary to it astatine nan start,” says Istha. “Now he’s wholly connected committee and he loves it – he sits successful nan assemblage for each show.”

Part of why Rea changed his mind is besides why First Trimester is truthful important. “As we spent much clip looking into really trans group mightiness spell astir having kids – take v carrying, nan logistics, and nan ineligible scenery of really we mightiness beryllium protected arsenic parents – we almost instantly realised nan deficiency of capable accusation to thief america done it,” Istha says. “We, of course, were very fortunate to person queer friends and family who person done this earlier and had entree to accusation that way, but nan point that made Logan spell ‘yes we should do this show’ was wanting to create resources for others successful nan future.”

The generosity of nan LGBTIQA+ organization flows successful galore directions, and responses to nan show person been nary exception. “Our friends person offered [to donate sperm] measurement much than they would person otherwise,” says Istha. “But we did group a rule, because I americium a capacity artist: if you connection [a donation], you person to beryllium successful nan show. It’s unfair to group up a process and past not instrumentality to it.”

In wide terms, Istha and Rea’s perfect philanthropist would beryllium “someone we tin get connected with, personification we would want successful our lives arsenic a friend everlastingly aft that point”.

“It’s overmuch for illustration looking for a partner – bully communication, and to judge successful nan aforesaid thing,” they add. “Someone benignant and nosy who would adhd to nan child’s life successful immoderate way.”

In their dreams, what does Istha’s early family look like? “The first point that pops into my caput is matching outfits,” they reply. “Me and Logan and this babe successful immoderate benignant of unthinkable metallic onesie. The first dream is to person a child. I’ll dream astir nan remainder if and erstwhile that happens.”

• First Trimester is connected astatine Arts House, North Melbourne, 16-18 October. Auslan interpreted capacity 17 October 7pm. Tactile circuit and audio describer guides are disposable connected 18 October, arsenic good arsenic by petition – interaction Arts House to book