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Valentyn Polianskyi, 24 – poet, tailor, ex-prisoner
After his mother died erstwhile he was very young, Valentyn Polianskyi was raised successful nan Kherson region by his aunt and his grandmother.
Now 24, he says he felt a small embarrassed by his emotion of sewing clothes, believing it was “more for women than men” truthful aft studying tailoring astatine assemblage he signed a statement pinch nan 36th marine brigade, wherever he served arsenic a worldly support sergeant.
He met a woman and they fell successful emotion truthful quickly that wrong months they were engaged. “We were astatine nan flowers and candy stage,” he says. When nan Russian penetration came connected 24 February 2022 he was deployed successful Mariupol, astatine nan Illich alloy plant.
The seaport metropolis was battered and besieged; tens of thousands of Ukrainians were killed and 90% of nan metropolis was destroyed. On 12 April, arsenic his portion was told by their commandant to surrender to debar being wiped out, Polianskyi learned his woman was pregnant. It was nan 48th time of warfare erstwhile he was taken into Russian captivity, and Polianskyi spent nan adjacent 3 years being beaten, starved, tortured and poisoned.
“Sometimes, I find it easier not to talk astatine all. It’s very difficult to talk astir captivity,” he says. “You get up astatine 6am and person to guidelines up until 10pm. So your legs get swollen and lumps of humor shape beneath nan skin.” After nan hours of standing, “you cannot moreover locomotion up nan 1 measurement to nan toilets, it is agony. Always location are beatings.
“There are men castrated; chemicals forced into people. There are nary doctors, truthful older men, if they person wellness problems, they die. My friend died of pneumonia – he was 47.
“When I came back, I recovered I had a woman and a two-and-a-half-year-old child. That was hard. Before nan penetration we were closer; it was very romantic. Now we are a batch colder and my girl is struggling to spot wherever I fresh into their lives. Sometimes she calls maine Daddy but sometimes she calls maine Valentyn.
“I’m suffering pinch feelings of aggression. I can’t find anyone I spot to get help, truthful to header I enactment distant from alcohol, I meditate and constitute my poetry.”
Polianskyi now useful pinch an organisation helping different released prisoners, but nan formerly gentle tailor is now a steelier man. “I would termination each Russian pinch my bare hands,” he says calmly. “Even my grandchildren will cognize they are bastards.”
Henadii Udovenko, 53 – builder, father, commander
Henadii Udovenko had been moving connected nan renewal of a authorities official’s flat erstwhile he first heard talk of war. “So I had thought astir it and already decided I would enlist. The greeting of nan invasion, I took nan metro to Kyiv’s subject registration office,” he says.
“What was I thinking? I was reasoning I was gladsome I didn’t return my car because already location were postulation jams of group leaving nan city.”
Before nan war, Udovenko had his ain mini building company. They did a spot of everything – plumbing, electrics – and he and his woman had 2 children, a girl and son, who were doing good successful their education.
“I was acrophobic astatine first. I didn’t cognize really I would respond successful a combat area – I was willing to spot if I would beryllium a coward aliases not. But you travel to warfare shape by stage.
“I can’t talk for different men, only me, but I person wanted to situation myself each my life and I realised successful nan service that I had nan skills to get done it. I person nary uncertainty that nan warfare has made maine a stronger person, that it makes galore men stronger.”
Udovenko, who roseate done nan ranks and now commands a unit, was wounded successful nan trenches successful 2023. He mislaid a leg, but chose to return to nan fighting arsenic soon arsenic he was able. He shrugs erstwhile asked astir his decision: “My family needed maine little than nan men astatine nan beforehand needed me. I couldn’t conscionable time off them.
“My woman and I are person since nan invasion, particularly since my injury. Young men person it harder – young women deliberation nan warfare is excessively much, excessively long. They are truthful fed up and are arguing pinch their men, but really location is nary prime here.
“There are immense misunderstandings betwixt Ukrainian men and women, tons of difficulties successful relationships. The penetration has turned mean men into warriors, and that seeps into and divides nan family.
“As soldiers, men usability differently,” he says. “You are pinch this tight group and you cognize each different wholly because you person to unfastened up fast. Everything successful warfare happens truthful quickly.”
Udovenko holds his state beloved for its potential: “For 30 years we person lived arsenic an independent state – made immoderate stupid mistakes, yes, but it shouldn’t beryllium each destroyed. Russia is simply a situation country, pinch nary anticipation to person your ain thoughts and independence.
“I don’t dislike Russians; Russia has nan aforesaid mediocre group arsenic here, they are not our enemy. My force is nan group who beryllium successful those trenches each time and sprout and ammunition us.”
Denys Monastyrskyy, 29 – gamer, sniper, weapons trainer
“There was nary noise. Just nan explosion. I felt nan symptom successful my near manus and I could sensation metal,” Denys Monastyrskyy says of nan time that 2 of his fingers were sliced disconnected by shrapnel.
“Amputation is simply a point you unrecorded successful fearfulness of – you deliberation astir what portion you’d alternatively lose. I was a boxer and emotion sport, truthful I didn’t want to suffer anything.
“We person a batch of injured guys, we talk astir ‘what does it consciousness like?’ This felt for illustration an aggravated burn. It was each very fast. Then nan training kicked successful and I applied nan tourniquet. But I was thinking, ‘how will I show my mother?’”
Monastyrskyy joined nan service successful 2014, aged 17, conscionable arsenic Russia invaded, and annexed, nan Crimean peninsula, starting nan Russia-Ukraine war, which has been subsumed and escalated by nan 2022 invasion. His begetter was killed successful nan fighting and he had thought his ain coiled successful 2017 would extremity his subject career.
“My commandant called nan doctors and told them ‘save his hand’. Otherwise I deliberation they would conscionable person amputated each of it.”
The full-scale penetration has drawn Monastyrskyy, and galore different veterans, backmost into uniform. “We knew warfare was coming. None of america expected that if we went, we would travel back. But I was excited: this force was our enemy.
“They took my fingers; they killed my father; they are connected my land. I knew this would beryllium nan astir important arena of my life and for my country.
“When I first joined nan army, I felt to my very psyche that I belonged. We activity together, we slumber together. We are a family that’s much than blood.”
He has mislaid 40 friends successful nan warfare but says: “Ukrainians ne'er springiness up.”
Monastyrskyy ever wanted to beryllium a soldier. “I asked my mum to bargain maine camo trousers astatine nan marketplace erstwhile I was eight. I was ever playing warfare games, preparing myself,” he says.
“We are acrophobic and we go adults excessively fast, but I don’t consciousness cheated retired of my youth; it was unavoidable,” he says. “War gives you [the] anticipation to understand what spot you person – your bully sides, your bad sides. For each different ages, warfare gives you a commonality arsenic men.” But he says it is intolerable to deliberation astir a future, astir uncovering a woman aliases having children.
“Ukrainians don’t springiness up, but what does suffer is nan narration betwixt nan sexes. A batch of couples are doing very worse now; tons of women near pinch nan children. The days disconnected – you tin beryllium 100 aliases 200 days connected nan frontline, astir 15 days a twelvemonth time off to spot your family.
“It is very sad, but warfare is very sad. War doesn’t sound connected your door, it conscionable barges in.”
Masi Nayyem, 41 – refugee, lawyer, soldier
Masi Nayyem, an Afghan-Ukrainian lawyer, was connected a date, busily telling his caller woman location would beryllium nary war, erstwhile he had an alert connected his phone. As a reservist – he had served arsenic a paratrooper successful Donbas successful 2016 – he was being called up. Two days later came nan invasion.
“On nan time of nan penetration I went home, drank immoderate wine, past nan adjacent time took my weapon and went to nan service offices.
“It’s easy because your friends, and each of civilian society, are going to war. I ne'er thought astir leaving Ukraine, I emotion this state and I conscionable thought: it’s clip to beryllium a man, now you tin show who you are.
“I don’t for illustration guns, I don’t for illustration thing astir war. But arsenic a man successful warfare you find you spot your comrades much than your woman aliases your parents.
“Once I was connected nan frontline I asked myself: ‘Am I afraid?’ I thought, if I’m wounded, past please not my legs, I emotion to locomotion my dog. [This bargaining] does spell done your head: ‘OK, if I’m wounded past return my hands’ – past I think, no, I’m being stupid! No activity without hands.
“In nan end, I near down an oculus and portion of my brain. It was an explosion, a mine. I woke up successful infirmary and saw my relative there. He told maine I’d mislaid my oculus and I said: ‘OK, now I tin parkland my car for illustration a bastard.’”
Nayyem was calved successful nan mediate of a war, successful Afghanistan. When his mother died of an infection 10 days aft his commencement because nan Afghan authorities said nan infirmary was “only for warriors”, his begetter fled nan country. First to Russia, then, erstwhile Nayyem was six, to Ukraine, wherever they arrived arsenic refugees pinch $300 and a container of Chinese-made umbrellas to sell.
After he was wounded successful June 2022, Nayyem was devastated to spot racist trolling astir him connected societal media. “But past I realised it was each Russian bots. That was a immense relief, because I judge this warfare has agreed Ukrainians, much than we person been successful nan past 100 years.”
Now, arsenic co-founder of nan ineligible assistance centre Pryncyp, Nayyem dedicates himself to Ukraine’s hundreds of thousands of wounded soldiers, lobbying authorities for a veterans’ policy. “Civil nine needs to perceive their problems,” he says.
“Relationships suffer because erstwhile you spell to warfare you request to beryllium free to beryllium a bully warrior. Ukrainian women are understanding, but you can’t explicate everything.
“You speak pinch men successful 1 connection but erstwhile you spell location it’s a different language, and you request to find spot to communicate.
“It’s a difficult point for veterans to find group who understand. Psychologists are difficult to find and it’s harder still to find 1 you tin activity with. We don’t person a civilization of going to psychologists, taking antidepressants.
“It’s for illustration erstwhile you are stabbed pinch a weapon and you aren’t expected to return nan weapon out. That is now, a silent time; nan weapon is still successful and nan bleeding will travel later.”
Alex Tomkin, 35 – video producer, DJ, soldier
Tomkin is unfastened astir his panic of being sent to nan frontline: “I’m nary traitor, but who wants to die?”
In nan months aft nan invasion, immoderate of Tomkin’s friends joined nan subject but he was busy, helping astatine a civilian nutrient room and moving a euphony club.
In June 2022, he near Kyiv to DJ astatine a three-day statement successful Odesa, and was sleeping connected nan autobus backmost erstwhile it was stopped by soldiers. “They pulled maine disconnected nan autobus and said ‘you’re successful nan service now.’”
“When I was young I recovered nan full thought of nan subject and each that macho bullshit really, really scary, but nan service has changed me, fixed maine an soul assurance successful myself,” he says. “Before, I perpetually doubted myself. In nan service you either determine aliases you break. I learned to guidelines by my choices and take sides my position.
“You can’t judge group by looking astatine them because everyone is successful uniform, truthful you commencement to understand it’s not astir really a feline looks, it’s what’s inside.”
His knowing of relationships pinch nan other activity has besides changed. “With each twelvemonth of war, accent builds up much and much successful men. Women tin spell outside, unrecorded their lives, move freely. Men, connected nan different hand, are progressively acrophobic moreover to time off their homes. Some group adjacent themselves disconnected completely.”
Being isolated from women makes him agelong to beryllium adjacent them – but it besides leaves him emotion separated by a gulf of experience.
“When you don’t spot women for a agelong time, you commencement valuing them differently. You want to perceive their voice, to consciousness that feminine presence. It doesn’t moreover matter who it is, a friend aliases conscionable personification you know. You simply request that energy. And you commencement noticing beauty successful ways you didn’t before.”
He remembers his first clip off-duty successful nan city. “All nan girls looked unbelievably beautiful. My cheeks were reddish – I didn’t cognize wherever to look. On my birthday, we went to a restaurant, had immoderate beer, tried to talk to girls. But location was this invisible crystal betwixt america and them.
“We created it ourselves,” Tomkin says, “because they couldn’t understand what authorities we were in.”
“A friend told maine she noticed really overmuch I had changed. She joked that successful warfare men person only 1 chakra working: survival. And it’s true. After that rotation I didn’t consciousness desire for intimacy.
“My work successful Kyiv was brutal: 1 time on, 1 time off, almost nary sleep. Standing successful a vest pinch a rifle, 2 hours connected post, 2 hours’ rest, your assemblage and mind are successful endurance mode. Romance conscionable doesn’t beryllium successful that space.
“But region from women helped me. It cleared my head. I started seeing who was correct for maine and who wasn’t. Before, I had short relationships each nan time. Honestly, I was a demon. Now, I want thing real, thing for life.”
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