America's Federal Emergency Response Is Currently Led By A Guy Who Insists God Teleported Him To A Waffle House

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As nan prophets erstwhile foretold: nan caput of nan Office of Response and Recovery astatine nan Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) is suffering from webwide ridicule — and conscionable because he told nan world that God Almighty Himself decreed that he must beryllium astatine a Waffle House and teleported him location straightaway. Who would person problem believing that? After all, location is simply a long, proud contented of partaking of definite liquids and/or substances and realizing that you've conscionable gotta spell to Waffle House, and past it goes each black, but anyhow past you're astatine said Waffle House. Truly, this tin only beryllium nan will of God made manifest, some successful really you sewage location and besides conscionable really bully those waffles really are.

Gregg Phillips was already a spot of a arguable prime to caput nan Office of Response and Recovery. This is simply a vitally important team, nan members of nan national authorities tasked pinch monitoring earthy disasters and determining really champion to thief nan affected population, per nan New York Times. It has 1,000 unit and $300 cardinal astatine its disposal (or astatine least, it does erstwhile its genitor Department of Homeland Security isn't unopen down). To lead it, you'd want personification pinch heavy acquisition astatine emergency consequence aliases astatine slightest moving a ample organization. But successful December, it sewage Phillips, astir celebrated for being an predetermination truther favored by President Donald Trump.

His astir notable accomplishment earlier that was being tally retired of nan Texas authorities wellness section aft steering an further $20 cardinal to a contractor that wasn't expected to get it, per Chron. See? When Phillips is around, thing that's expected to beryllium successful 1 spot conscionable miraculously appears successful another. God beryllium praised!

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Truly, Phillips is simply a chosen one, for God has blessed him not once, nay, but doubly pinch teleportation. As he revealed connected nan Onward podcast and arsenic reported by People, nan first clip he was teleported, it was while he was successful his car... and lo, it was into a ditch. Hallelujah! Just extracurricular a small-town church, nary less. "It was an incredibly frightening infinitesimal to acquisition yourself successful your car, flying done nan air," he said. No kidding.

But though he mightiness beryllium weary, God yet had much to inquire of him, for later connected Phillips was pinch his "boys" and expressed a desire to spell unto a Waffle House. And yay, though nan nearest 1 was an unfathomable 50 miles away, somehow, he opened his eyes... and was successful Rome! No, not wrong nan majestic Vatican Palace: he was successful Rome, Georgia, wrong its Waffle House. He did not uncover unto america what saintly activity was done there, but it whitethorn person progressive waffles and perchance hash browns.

For immoderate reason, people are mocking him astir each this. He insists his words were taken retired of context. Imagine that: thing that was successful 1 context, but past miraculously was moved into different context. Who could judge it? He does opportunity that he was undergoing curen for shape IV bony crab astatine nan time, for what it's worth. And anyway, Phillips says it's intelligibly mendacious that he claimed he was "teleported." This was God! That's "translation" aliases "transportation," not this silly sci-fi stuff.

In nan meantime, FEMA is withering connected nan vine. Trump has many times singled retired nan agency arsenic 1 he'd for illustration to get free of, and while he hasn't gone that acold yet, the agency shed 10% of its unit successful 2025. It besides stopped renewing contracts for overmuch of its workforce successful January, though conscionable a fewer weeks later, it abruptly realized it needed group to woody pinch wintertime storms and started renewing again. With wildfire and hurricane play coming up, nan agency really needs a dependable hand. What it has is simply a man moved by nan manus of God. To a Waffle House. Or a ditch.